No more, please

Today was bad.



I found new daycare. This is good, but bad in the sense we start the transitioning again. I took Monkey to play at the new one this afternoon and of course M had to go. Fuck me. I am so freaking tired of his crap.



In the amazing law of averages that only apply to me, the sheriff tried to deliver his divorce papers to his work while he was with me at the daycare. That was a lovely phone call I received as I was half way home. He didn't actually get the papers, but he will shit himself when he reads them tomorrow. I guess we can say that tomorrow will suck too. Oh well, he is kind of getting what he deserves.



To top off my wonderful day, I got a letter from the immunologist that said "Please call ASAP to schedule an appointment to review lab results and treatments". What the fuck? Did these people meet me? You don't send shit like that to me in the mail. What made it worse is that they had crossed out the regular wording and wrote in the ASAP part. Of course it was almost 5 o'clock by the time I read this and began frantically calling. I finally got a nurse to tell me it looks like Monkey's antibodies are low. What does that mean? I looked on my friend, WebMD, and it was too freaky to read. The nurse said that he needed some kind of pneumonia shot and that the doctor would discuss the rest at our appointment. It is not until Tuesday. I may have to be committed by then. I can't deal with anything else. I can't. I am so tired and scared. What if he is really sick? How do I handle all of this fucking grief, this new life I am trying to scrape together, and this? I'll take the rest of it. Just make my baby okay.

I am so tired, but cannot sleep. I go to work, but can't concentrate. My mind is fuzzy and running at a million miles an hour. I don't know how to keep doing this. It is one thing after another and there is only one of me. I am just so tired and overwhelmed. I would say a prayer, but my faith is running a little low these days.

Dear God,

Please make my baby okay.

Amen.