I haven't fallen off of the face of the Earth yet (it does sound nice though). I am here trudging through this shitty thing called my life. Things with M are just getting worse and I have a very bad feeling this is going to be dirty.
I finally took that next step out the door. Well, almost out of the door. I picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and dialed the number. She was out, but I told her assistant the scenario with M and she said the attorney will call me back. It is a start and it was very hard to say out loud what I wanted to do. I don't really want it, but what choice to I have? Right now, my only focus is Monkey and I will do whatever I have to.
Do you believe that things really happen for a reason? I don't know that I do because I can't think of a reason for all that happened to Noah, but something happened that I really needed. I received a call regarding I position I applied for two months ago. I assumed they filled the position since I had never heard back. I have an interview!! This is a real job (full time) with benefits. It pays enough that I can tell M to go fuck himself (I won't be rich, but I won't need him). It would allow me to start over. Please send me your good thoughts! I need this so much. Receiving that call gave me the confidence to know that I can do this. I can't control the ass he has become, but I can take control of my life. It helped me dial that dreaded number.
Tomorrow is going to be awful. Monkey sees the allergist tomorrow and I am gearing myself up for the allergy testing. It is going to be so scary for him. I hate to see him that way. To top it off, M has insisted on going with us. Fuck me. That will be the longest afternoon in the world. Two hours in the same car and a 2-3 hour appointment. This is going to suck for me as much as Monkey.
I pray that tomorrow is quick and painless for Monkey and I don't have the urge to leave M on the side of the road ( I am thinking much worse, but it isn't nice). I am so nervous for this interview. I need it so much I don't want to seem needy. It is hard to pull it together when I feel like such a wreck. I need something good to happen. I hope this is it.
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7 comments:
Good luck with the interview!
I really hope you get the job. I hope the testing isn't painful for Monkey. You have so much on your shoulders, you are doing such an amazing job.
We went through a lot of allergy testing (so many tests that they had to do it on her back) and she was miserable, but mostly because she had to stay still. It doesn't hurt (just itches some) - the first time I took her, I had it done at the same time. Definitely not painful.
Don't be quick to let M off the hook in terms of child support. You never know what the future will bring, so let your lawyer handle that the best s/he can. You may be in a hurry to get it over with now, but you've got a child you're going to be raising for the next many years and your decision now needs to be good for all those years.
Rachel (got divorced 6-1/2 years ago, since happily remarried with 3 new kids)
Goodluck. You deserve some non-shitty experiences. I hope tomorrow flies for you and Monkey and that M realises how badly he's behaved.
Fate? I don't know - but I DO know that you deserve a chance to do this on your own and the green stuff helps... alot!
Rooting for you on interview day!!!
PS- my verification word is "enongsh" which reads (to me anyway) as shorthand for "enough - geesh" On second thought - maybe fate is working hard here!
GOOD LUCK!!! I hope the interview works out and that tomorrow is okay. We have a friend whose children had to be tested and the visits weren't fun, but it's better to know when you desperately need to avoid interactions. Sending positive vibes!
Good thoughts for your interview and for Monkey's allergy testing.
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