Update

Monkey's surgery went fairly well. It was delayed over two hours which is never good with a hungry two year old. He gave them a scare when he began to wake up because he had a bronchial spasm that made him desat. They had to give him positive pressure to open his airway and breathing treatments to dilate his bronchials in his lungs. They said this is common in preemies. They called it a hyper-reactive airway. I will just call it scary.


He had a hard time waking up, but other than that, he is doing well. The surgeon gave him a shot of steroids and I was so lucky that they kicked in about 9:00 last night. He was like an amped up animal. I hate steroids. He finally fell asleep next to me in bed watching Dumbo. Got to love Disney. They have seen me through what could have been many sleepless nights.

M did go yesterday and it was okay until the day had drawn on a little too long and then he really started to annoy me. It felt weird to sit beside him and worry for our son, but feel no connection or love for him. It is all so strange to me, this moving on.

I took another big step today. I met with the woman who is going to establish my single hood and get my life moving in the right direction. The next few days should be interesting as M learns what I have done. I know he doesn't expect me to do anything. He is very wrong. He is going to be pissed and I know I will feel the wrath, but these are the repercussions of his choices, not mine. I will do whatever I must do to protect my son and provide him with the best life possible. It felt liberating today. I didn't even shed a single tear. I know I have made the right choice. I hope I feel this okay with it when it all comes out in the open and he responds. I am very afraid that this will get ugly.