The Puker

This is what it is like to play with Monkey:

He giggles from being smothered in kisses and tickled.

Hiccups from the giggling.

Huge belly laughs from kisses and tickles.

More hiccups....puke.

I feel so bad when we play and he get to laughing so hard that the hiccups take over. We are then visited by the remnants of that last sippy cup of milk. Poor kid. He is going to grow up to be nicknamed The Puker.

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Monkey saw the pediatric GI doctor today. She was younger than I expected, but very nice. She thinks we should have him scoped. That freaks me out in the biggest way. I know it is nothing in the realm of medical things, but he is my baby. Thinking about it makes me sick. They will sedate him for the procedure, but I think that scares me just as much as the procedure itself. We have a few weeks until it is scheduled, so I will think happy thoughts until then. At least, maybe we can figure out what is causing his reflux problems.

The doctor thinks he may have a food allergy. Most likely milk is the culprit. I really hope it is not milk because that is what Monkey lives on. He doesn't eat much except for yogurt, milk, and cheese. What will I feed this child? He refuses most vegetables and fruit. He has a problem with textures and gagging. She says his chewing problems are common in kids with reflux because the develop aversions to certain textures. I will confess, I still feed him baby food if I am desperate for him to eat a veggie or piece of fruit. What else am I supposed to do? Monkey also eats very little meat. Our pediatrician suggested we give him vitamins. Ha. He won't take those either. We tried liquid and he threw them up (in his defense they were nasty smelling). He can't chew the gummies and he spits out the Flintstones. I even tried grinding them up and putting them in pureed fruit. He spit that out. So much for the vitamins. I know toddlers are picky, but this is enough to make me crazy. He is growing so I will take solace in the fact he must be getting some nutrition from somewhere.

We see the ENT on Monday. I know he is going to recommend that we have tubes put in and his adenoids out. One more thing to freak out about. Monkey has really been feeling good since the whole ordeal with the infection and the PICC line. Maybe that was it and we just can forget about all of this other stuff. I know it is for the best, but I am not okay with him having surgery.

I don't know if all Mama's are like this after losing a baby, but I have such an intense fear of something happening to him. Other people think I am overreacting, but I have held a child as he died and I never want to do that again. The doctor today told us of the risks and how rare they are. She said the odds are very small. I wanted to laugh. The geneticist told us the odds of Noah having what he did are like 1 in a million. I don't play odds. They don't like me. I am just tired of all of this.