Bad Day

It has been one horrible day. Monkey didn 't want to go to daycare this morning and let me know is full displeasure. I finally get him unwrapped from my leg to get to work only to have my babysitter call 30 minutes later telling me that he had an accident. What the hell? I am sure that my stomach dropped to my feet as a pictured all of the horrible things that could have happened. Doesn't she know better than to be dramatic unless it really is dramatic? He face planted into the frame of the couch and bit through his lip. It bled. It bled a lot. By the time I got there, he looked as if he had been in a fight and he definitely did not win. Fortunately, once the bleeding stopped, it didn't look so bad. In the end he was actually excited because he got to go to Papa's (his favorite place one Earth) and eat ice cream. I think he may have an escape plan now.



M came over this afternoon. He has offered to see another marriage counselor. I don't know if I have this in me anymore. He has broken every promise and vow he ever took. I don't know how to forgive that. He has hurt me and I just don't know if the damage is repairable. I just want to wake up from this fucking bad dream and it all be over. I just can't do this anymore. I am a wreck and he is just such an ass sometimes. I am so angry. He asked how I can think of divorce during "Noah's time". What the fuck? He is the one who has no respect or care for anyone else. I am dying as I sit here remembering that I now only had 7 days with him. That two years ago today, the apnea spells started. This was the beginning of the end.



7 days. I can't do this. Why is this still so hard? I know he is gone and I can't change it. Why is the hurt so much deeper and the anger still growing? I am alone and drowning in this pain.



It is just a bad day. Please tell me tomorrow will be better.