I want to die. It would be easier than this. I can't take this unbearable pain any longer. My baby is dead. My marriage is over. Monkey is cursed with this terrible life. I am a failure. I can't do anything right. He says he doesn't really want to go through a divorce, but he doesn't have it in him to work on it. My heart has been ripped from my body one more time. It was put back together after Noah died just well enough for me to love Monkey. How do I do this? Everyone I love leaves in one way or another. Am I being punished? Am I a terrible person? He was supposed to be coming home. Now he isn't. I can't breath. My soul is broken.
Of course, I will put on my happy face and be there for Monkey. How did I do this to him? I love him more than life and I can't protect him from this. I am a failure as a mother. I couldn't keep one alive and the other has to grow up in this mess. I am so sorry.
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15 comments:
I know it feels that way, but you are not a failure. This is such a hard time to live through.
I know that it seems like it would be easier to die than to go on. But you can make it. You can. You can get some help. Therapy. Medication. Emergency Room.
You are not alone. We will walk with you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know what to say that would help, but you and Monkey are in my thoughts. Keep going.
I'm sorry. I know bits of the pain, but not all of it. And there isn't a single blessed thing to say to you that can make this better. There isn't anything other than the scant and stupid things people say, and I won't say them to a fellow baby lost mum.
I will say that you get through this like we always do, as women, as those who live with our heart's divided. We get through this one moment at a time.
Wishing you as much comfort and peace as the universe can send you.
Oh hun, I am so sorry for your heartbreak. You are in my thoughts. You are not a terrible person.
I have been so worried about you lately and Monkey.
When I saw you had posted I was greatly relieved. Now my heart is broken too. This is too much. The never ending grief of losing Noah. The mountain of responsibility parenting Monkey. The end of a marriage.
I have no words to make it any easier only that you are in my thoughts EVERY DAY and we will all be here for you whenever you need to cry, vent or rage.
xoxo (big hugs)
It is not what happens to you in life that defines you.
It is the grace with which you handle life that is important and which is impressed upon your offspring.
It is the perseverance you have to continue to roll with life's punches that inspire your offspring.
It is the love for them that they remember.
Here from Sue's place. I am so sorry, I truly don't have words for you. Please just know that my thoughts, my prayers, my heart is with you. Sending you cyber hugs and hoping that you all find peace along this journey.
It's a difficult road for anyone but for those of us who have lost one, it is a tougher road than those who have not lost at all. I will be thinking of you all the days of my life.
STE sent me over, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you're going through all of this right now.
Please don't hesitate if you need a shoulder or two.
Here by way of STE...
I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know those words mean shit, but they must be said all the same. You are not a failure. No. Life has failed you. There is a big difference.
Wishing you strength. Absolutely.
F*ck, I'm so sorry.
Our paths have similarities. When my husband left me this summer my soul was crushed.
We're all here for you. You can make it through this and be one hell of a mother.
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Thinking of you mightily.
From L&F. I am so sorry. Thinking of you today.
***HUGS***
You are not a terrible person. You are not!
Sometimes things just suck. I'm so sorry you're having this trouble now. My thoughts are with you.
Here from LFCA. I don't know your whole story but sending you hugs and warm wishes and hope that somewhere and somehow things start to look better.
I'm so sorry for all your losses, it sounds absolutely miserable. I'll just sit here for a while and keep you company. WIsh there was more I could do.
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