While visiting my sister this weekend for my niece's first birthday, I noticed Monkey's leg was red and swollen. He had a bug bite, but I had not noticed the reaction to it. I decided to have it looked at for fear it was a spider bite. Being out of town, I didn't know who I could take him to and have my insurance pay for it so I called them. Have I mentioned that I hate insurance companies? I explain that I need a provider in the area for my son and she proceeds to ask me if it is for Monkey or Noah. What the fuck? Are you joking? Are you seriously telling me that a company of that size can't make a note or something? Got to love that. It's not the first time either. About a month after Noah died, they sent me letter of credible coverage so I could get him insurance elsewhere. Nice...The letter came on a bad day and I yelled at some poor girl and her supervisor until she cried. I am normally not that mean, but I said it was a bad day. Probably an automated letter, but really?
I don't know why I let things like that hit me so hard. I just wasn't expecting it I guess. I redeemed myself though. I did not yell at her. I didn't even tell her that he was dead. I just took a deep breath and let it go. In a sick way, it was nice to hear someone say his name. It acknowledged his life and that he was really here.
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2 comments:
Whew - that is really hard. I know that feeling when you are blindsighted by the "suckerpunch", instantly unable to breath, let alone respond.
About six months after Emma arrived stillborn I ran into the doctor WHO DELIVERED HER and he asked (in all seriousness), "How is the baby?". I almost died and I did collapse right there in the hall. Then, I collected myslef, tood a deep breath and said, "She is dead."
Bless you for not screaming, I would have.
We prayed for Monkey at church yesterday.
BIG HUGS AS YOU WAIT!
Thank you for your good thoughts!
It is hard when we realize that people that should know our situation the best, don't remember. I had a very unrealistic view of my and Noah's doctors. Only a few remember him. I am so sorry that happened. Hopefully, that doctor learned something and tries to be a little more human for the next person.
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