Saturday, June 27, 2009
I miss my Monkey
Monkey is with M for the weekend. I know I should cease the moment to do something for me. Instead, I worked on my house, painting and crying all at the same time. I can't do this. My heart and body aches for my babies. I didn't ask to be separated from my children. I brought them into this world promising to love and protect them. I love them more than I imagined I would, but I have failed miserably at protecting them. Reality is sneaking up on me. Soon, my worst fears will be true and Monkey will be a part of their little "family". Fuck me.
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9 comments:
sending hugs and warm thoughts...
Same here. Hugs and warm thoughts.
Sending you love and light.
sending you love and hugs.
Oh, it does, it hurts so much. But you are so strong, you will get through this. Even though it doesn't feel like it. One foot after the other. That's what everyone tells me.
We're all with you, thinking of you.
It is awful to be separated from your son. Hoping the time flies till he comes home again.
I've written and erased about five comments about how time will even this all out, but hell -- you know that already, and fat lot of good it does right now, huh. I'm really sorry -- and I'm willing to bet serious money the little guy misses you, too.
(And I'm glad you put their "family" in quotes.)
I tried to write this before, and maybe I did something wrong. Or maybe it was not approved by the blog owner. It is important enough that I am going to try again.
I feel your pain. I was betrayed. I watched as the "new family" cemented to my every disgust; with all sorts of bad influences. All of the bad vices you can think of starting with a cheater and going down the list of sins from there.
I may not know your exact situation, but I know what it feels like to be betrayed, disgusted, filled with fear. Here is my caution.
In this day and age of "fathers rights" there are all sorts of organizations and law firms that will capitalize on a mother's attempts to vent and heal and say that the mother is alienating the child from the father. Attempting to disparage the father in the mind of the child. There is legal precedence that attempted alienation is enough change of circumstance to remove a child from a mother's custody.
I being this up because there is also legal precedence to use a blog against the author. Everything you say here could potentially be used against you if this idiot decides he is tired of paying child support.
At some point, his family, a friend, a coworker, his new gal will do the math and decide that if he had custody of your son that he would have more money in his pocket.
Please vent, yell, scream, stomp your feet. Please continue to process and heal. I enjoy your blog... I just dont want to see anything used against you.
As a divorced (and remarried) mom, previously married to slime, I can assure you that even if Monkey becomes a part of their "family" it takes NOTHING away from you. You will always be his mom and nothing can take that away from you.
Do your best to gather strength by doing things you enjoy when he's with his father and then just be the best mom you can for him. You're not in a battle. You've already won.
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