I am tired. My mind is on overload and honestly I think I am fighting a losing battle. M told me that she is living with him. How exactly does that work when our court orders specify that she cannot be anywhere near Monkey? He claims she leaves during this time. Are you fucking kidding me? Here is the irony. They are living with his parents. Wait it gets better. His Dad is a minister. What kind of fucking minister is okay with his son and his knocked up mistress living with them. Apparently, all sins are forgiven. The hypocrisy just kills me.
My attorney and I have discussed the issue and she has given me the choice of taking him back to court for contempt. He could lose the right to have Monkey in his home if I win. It could also be ugly and nothing would change except adding more fuel to this raging inferno. What the hell am I to do? Am I to follow him each evening that he has Monkey for a visit? I have tried very hard to not do that. I am trying to rebuild my life and it is impossible to let go when I am so very worried about my son. I hate this. It is exhausting and I have lost my temper with him more than I care to admit. My good friend told me I must stop letting him get under my skin. I just need to walk away and not engage with him. It is so hard. I am so mad that at times I feel so very out of control. I haven't decided about court, but it is something to consider I guess. Am I protecting or hurting Monkey by keeping him from his Dad? I just want to do what is best for him. He deserves so much more.
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7 comments:
I'm so sorry this is so hard. I have no advice, but I would echo another's good advice to be gentle with yourself.
You will do what's right for you and for Monkey. I know you will.
I would take his @ss back to court. He is laughing in the face of the order. And his parents! What nerve! I know he is their son, but it is the pregnant mistress that played a role in breaking up his marriage! WHAT ARE THEY THINKING???
Sending you hugs and hoping that things work out for your side of things.
Oh, dear, I am so sorry. That doesn't even begin to cover it. Is there a reason why the court order says she is not to be near monkey? What does your lawyer say about contempt (I mean, I know lawyer said you could, but was there a recommendation, too?). This just seems unsustainable over time, and the court must know that - - the other baby will come, the woman will be there, there is no way to keep them apart (as much as there should be!). What amess. I do agree with your good friend - detachment is going to be something that will help you long term. Hang in there.
Contempt of court orders seem to be worth even less than a nice soggy handful of used toilet tissue...
I would advise you to stay out of court as long as Monkey's physical well-being is not at stake. [I found this out the hard way - family court really doesn't give two shits about morality.] All more litigation will do is cost you lots of $$$ that you could better invest in Monkey's future, as well as giving the legal system far more power/supervision over your personal decisions/family life than they should EVER have. (If it devolves into a full-scale custody battle, then you're stuck w/months & months of psychological evaluations, home visits, followed up by court-ordered "conflict resolution" therapy sessions... All it does is prolong the agony of getting into some sort of normalized routine, which is what your son needs more than anything.)
Sorry for rattling on so - here's an Ancient History link:
http://endurovet.blogspot.com/2004/05/ooooo-just-cant-help-it-i-am-addicted.html
Oh & DO take care of yourself - you've got to be strong & keep it together for Monkey's sake!
But things will get better, I assure you...
Court. Definitely court. We allow what we ignore. If you let this go, you loose ground for any future indiscretions. I know it is not easy, having been through one of the ugliest divorces and custody battles on the planet. But you have to stand up for yourself and your child.
Don't prolong the inevitable. With a child on the way, these two will be together for at least a while. Fighting him on this will prolong your healing and moving on with your life, not to mention the cost of taking him back to court. Monkey will grow to see what kind of man his dad is - let him ask dad why he left at his mom's darkest moment, why he hurt the family. In the meantime, move on with your life. You cannot stop Monkey visiting his dad, but use that time he is away to work on your house and do things for YOU. Monkey will grow to see who was there for him and who wasn't. Don't worry, it will come back to bite M.....
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