I haven't felt much like writing lately. Maybe I am just tired of thinking about things or maybe it is that the fall season is approaching. With the cooler temps and school starting, I remember my anticipation of the boys arrival.
Today was our first trip to the hospital with a medical emergency in my pregnancy. Today could have been their birthday, but my body decided to behave and they remained safely inside for a few more weeks. I can't believe it has been three years. Monkey is more little boy than baby and my sweet Noah is still the same beautiful 3 month old he will forever be. I can feel it. It is starting.
I keep telling myself this year I will celebrate Monkey's birthday without tears. I know it won't happen, but I am hoping to celebrate my boys and not mourn our losses. Noah is forever etched in my soul along with my grief and pain, but this year I will smile and remember his sweet baby smell and his snuggles. This year will be different.
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2 comments:
Celebrating is good but dont stop the tears if they come. They are a part of the celebrating and of the love, too. I'll celebrate the boys birthday with you. I may be far away, but know that they will be in my heart and my mind, and I will light a candle on a cake for them and rememebr.
It's hard. Hard to celebrate one and mourn another on the same day. To remember and to forget.
Of course it is Noah's birthday too. He will be there with you and Monkey. I hope you can smile at all the beautiful memories you have of him. xo
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