Smoke

I saw it as I was leaving work today. The black smoke trailing in a thin line up into the sky. I do my best everyday not to take that street. I can't drive by it. Thinking about it makes me sick. Seeing that smoke and realization of what it was made me come undone.

As I looked, all I could see was his face the last time I held him in the hospital before the man from the mortuary took him away. I remember burying my face in his neck trying to inhale his sweet smell one last time. Then all I could see was fire and him. What the hell was I thinking? It wasn't a choice. No mother should choose how her child will be laid to rest. I never really considered the process. I don't think my mind could wrap around it at the time.

I watched the smoke and thought about how that was someone else's loved one. With a few tears and a silent prayer, I drove by trying desperately to conjure up some other image of my sweet Noah.