Grief

Grief. Is it a part of me or just an emotion that I feel? Will I carry it around like a ten thousand pound weight for the rest of my life or will its weight lighten as time passes? Who am I? I thought I used to know. Now I am a mother or more like 1/2 a mother. I only have 1/2 of my children. Am I still the mother of twins or the mother of a toddler and his dead brother? What do people see when they look at me? Am I broken or have I got it together? I have found since Noah died people seem very uncomfortable and intimidated by my grief. They can't find words to say, so they say nothing. I have learned that I don't need many people to survive. My husband is gone and he is the only one who ever understood my sorrow. I read of others pain, but it is not of any comfort. They did not lose Noah.