Babies are everywhere. Healthy, living, breathing, kicking, screaming babies. Oh, did I mention their blissfully happy parents? I tell myself "It's not their fault, you are jealous of their happiness". Maybe I am. Does that make me such a horrible person? All I ever wanted was two healthy, living, breathing babies. I have one. Maybe I should just shut up and be grateful for what I have.
My twin niece and nephew were born today. They are beautiful and healthy. I am glad I drug myself to the hospital to look at them in their newborn beauty. Their parents are so lucky and don't even know it. They are actually being a bit shitty towards the rest of the family who wants only to love these two small wonders. Ava and Max...May they grow up healthy and happy.
I am officially medicated (ok almost). I haven't actually taken the pills yet, but they are in my possession. I went to the doctor today because I have been having horrible stomach pains. He suspects my gallbladder. Great, one more fun thing to deal with. I may have mentioned that I was losing my mind. He didn't quite understand at first. Losing Noah, my sanity, and my husband has finally caught up to me. He asked if I was depressed. Honestly, if I wasn't would I be crazy then? How much can one person really take before losing it? He wants me to take Lexapro. I will try it. What do I have to lose? I don't really think a pill is going to make me handle losing my son and watching my marriage disintegrate any better, but hey, what the hell? (After writing this, I realize maybe some anger therapy is in order).
Tomorrow...I will be happy. I will think happy thoughts. Maybe a day at the water park is in order with Monkey. It seems to always make him happy.
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