Hope

Monkey and I went to church today. I wavered back and forth most of the morning before deciding to go. Right now I hate new things. As I walked in the door, we were greeted by an acquaintance I have met through other friends. She was warm and welcoming. As we made our way to the sanctuary, many more welcomed us and made sure Monkey had enough crayons and toys to make through the service. Monkey attends preschool at this church and it was awesome to see how these strangers to me had embraced my dear son. It felt good and warm. I felt not so quite uncomfortable in my own skin.

The sermon was about fear and faith today. Fitting if you ask me. It was a contemporary service with lots of current live music. Monkey loved it. He danced and hugged his Mama as he listened to the music. Faith is tough one for me. I am not sure how to have it in light of my recent losses. They spoke of gratitude. I am grateful. I have a beautiful little boy who holds my hand and tell me he loves me while I contemplate our next move. God and I aren't quite back on good terms, but today was a small step to something more. Maybe I will find answers and maybe I won't. Either way, it was nice. I think my soul needed nourishment and maybe just here I will find it.